Splinter

There are many factors involved when trying to hang oneself with a noose made out of bed sheets from a Las Vegas high rise hotel. The first obstacle is to find a hotel in said city where the room's windows are not sealed shut. Apparently, losing your shirt and suicide go hand in hand in the city of lights. Hotel GM's are typically up to code with their ESHH (Environmental Safety in Hotel Humanity) corporate policies and procedures. The second task is to find a secured counterweight to tie onto or 'Little Angel Molly Sasquire' is going have a crash course in learning to fly without her wings, giving new meaning to the craps term 'hit a brick.' The third hurdle is more of an inner-self-equality questionnaire-assessment issue. In my case, staring into the mirror and seeing an old gray man crying in a dark hotel room with a homemade noose round his neck reminiscing back on all his accomplishments in life: Operations Manager for a small packaging outfit (UK), Director of Quality Assurance/Regulatory Affairs (Delkenheim, Germany), Ladderman/Baccarat Supervisor (NV, USA), and Manager of rock outfit Hip Tanaka (Global). Once one gets over their mortality, it's like a 'hit me on 20 when the dealer is holding an 18' time. While we're on the topic of mortality and gambling and the hey hey, let me go back to the subject of Hip Tanaka. They're a rock band that plays music. It's constituents equal one part Joe Pleiman (vocals, guitar), one and a half parts Brendan E. Quigley (vocals, sportsguitar), half part That Girl From Jaws 2 (bass guitar) and one part Rich Adkins (rock drums) and augmented by 'spiritual leader' Alex Zavracky (vocals, keys) when not banished for life in Dublin. Their music has been described as 'the new new wave' by some folks, but I don't believe them. Listeners range from elderly people who write poetry to twenty- something males who force their girlfriends to listen to Hip Tanaka. Pirates also enjoy their music. Hip Tanaka has been around for one EP and three full length albums (including CMJ charting 'The Sky Is Smaller Than The Sea' and XM radio favorite 'Le Jihad', both also on The Local 33 1/3). Their latest album, 'Splinter,' depicts their pain and suffering. Speaking of pain and suffering, make sure your sheets aren't too long as not to be hanging in the window of your neighbors below. The last thing you want is little Stevie seeing your blue face dangling in his vacation sunlight. Next thing you know, the kid is all grown up and knocking off 7-11 stores so he can get his next hit of Lucifer juice injected between his toes. You're life is already a mess, let's not screw someone else's up too. - Sir Don Bixtler Manager for life, Hip Tanaka.