In 2020, I decided to write again on a regular basis for the first time in 10-15 years.
Why? Maybe as an outlet for my struggles with depression, anxiety & faith? Maybe it was trying to cope with my past and the death of my dad & the declining health of my mom? Most likely, it was all of the above.
Ultimately, I wanted to show growth in all areas of my life with the arrival of my 50th birthday in 2022. I wanted to commit to being a better friend, father, son, and husband. most importantly, I wanted to refine and fully embrace my relationship with my lord, Jesus Christ. Within this growth is grace.
I am astounded every day with the grace of my god, my friends & family. If you look closely, you can see grace in the great majority of people we meet every day. I strive to be more grateful & recognize the work I need to do. I believe that with improved grace, we become closer to our god, which in turn improves all areas of our lives.
In publishing this book. I wanted to document via poetry, the journey I am on & help others with the same struggles.
Here are a few poems from my book.
Trees numbering three
Where were you?
When I tried to hide in the shameful corner
Where were you?
When I pushed your love far away
You were here, there, everywhere & I thought nowhere
But you were patiently waiting
Waiting
Where were you?
When lust dominated reality
Where were you?
When darkness so thick consumed my tepid sanity
You were there waiting patiently
Patiently
For my lost soul to come back to you
Where were you?
You came here as a man
Down from your throne at your father's side
Only to be crucified to one of the trees numbering three
So, we could be released and be free
Resurrected as a child of god.
LIFE
Here I am
Sitting in a nearly broken chair
Looking out a dusty window
My daddy gone
Dancing with the angels
Singing a sacred song
Blessings number 82 in-between
Life in quarantine
Here I am
Sitting in a creaky old chair
Looking out a dusty, half opened window
Just after a new man lashed out with arms and legs
Scared anger in his blank eyes
I hope we soon will realize
The future's long goodbyes
Blessings number 18 in-between
Life in quarantine
Here I am
Standing as tears fall from a clouded mind
Trying to count my blessings
Hoping someone will remind me
Remind me that faith
Is not counting blessings in-between
The depressing
But holding onto hope
Even During life in quarantine.
A house on a hill
Momma, you seem so small
A ghost lying in your bed
Wanting to go home
I don't want to leave anything left unsaid
Mom, your smile lifts & carries me back
I remember laughing
In the study watching tv
Safe & believing
With never a hint of leaving
Mother, you are stronger than anyone knew
A resilience ingrained even after everything you went through
Ma
