Totino's Pizza Rolls Brand Pepperoni Pizza Snacks, 19.8 oz

Totino's Pepperoni Pizza Rolls have taken the world by storm and captured the hearts of millions of young people. The ooey-gooey delicious filling within each roll tantalizes the senses and intrigues the mind, forcing grins to form and hearts to fill with joy. As a young, strong, empowered consumer, I not only recommend pizza-rolls to my friends, I force their appearance at any and every social event I attend. "You can't serve Pizza Rolls at a wedding," my mother said with a scowl on her face; yet when my eager eyes drifted over the buffet line at my wedding, Pizza Rolls were being consumed like proverbial hotcakes of the past. While my love for Pizza Rolls knows no boundary, I must admit that a crack appears in my heart when I think of all the shoppers out there who haven't yet experienced the incredible power of Totinos. In an effort to nullify the gap between pepperoni-perfection and Walmart shoppers, I've created a step-by-step guide on how one should go about deciding if pizza rolls are right for them, and the steps to take to ensure a pleasant first experience with Totino's Pepperoni Pizza Rolls. Before purchase, one must familiarize themselves with the ancient Greek aphorism "know thyself," and posit the question "Do I wish to be happy?" If the shopper answers yes to this question, then they simply must proceed to the frozen snacks aisle and retrieve the largest count bag of pepperoni pizza rolls available (120 at last check). Once safely indoors after a pleasant Walmart visit, simply cut open the top (or bottom, Totino's won't judge you) of the bag and pour the delicious, frozen, little treats onto a microwave friendly plate, being sure to ignore any suggestions about serving-size. Do not allow those little suckers to overlap, as this will lead to cold-spots within the roll. Then place the plate in your microwave and guess how long they should cook for, round down to be safe. After half the timer has expired, open the microwave and turn the rolls over, being sure to tell the rolls how much you appreciate their sacrifice. Finally, once the remainder of the time has expired, place your hand over the rolls and allow your eager fingers to check for any potential cold spots. If you feel any still-frozen rolls, encourage them to try harder and continue the microwave process for 15-20 seconds at a time and repeat this until all rolls feel warm to the touch. Once cooking is completed, enjoy your new favorite snack. While there is no proper way to enjoy the pizza roll, there have been many scholarly reports on how one can have a more pleasureable snacking experience. Indulging with milk, biting open the top of the roll to allow the inside to cool down quicker, sharing just the corners with a neighborhood dog, are all included in these suggestions. Ultimately, it's up to the consumer to decide in which way they will enjoy Totino's Pepperoni Pizza Rolls, but you WILL enjoy them.