Michelob ULTRA Superior Light American Lager Beer, 24 pack, 12 fl oz Aluminum Cans, 4.2 % ABV

As someone who's never been much of a drinker—more of a “sips sparkling water and pretends it's champagne” type—I figured Michelob Ultra, with its low-carb, “I'm basically a fitness drink” marketing, would be a safe bet for a casual night. Oh, how wrong I was.First sip? Crisp, clean, and about as exciting as a spreadsheet. It's like someone took a regular beer, diluted it with a gym bro's tears, and slapped a fancy label on it. But it's light, right? So I kept going. One beer, two beers—no big deal. By the third, I was nodding along to the playlist like I was at a concert. By the fifth, I was texting my ex about “old times.” And after eight Michelob Ultras? Hoo boy, I was feeling woozy, wobbling like a newborn giraffe trying to karaoke “Sweet Caroline.”For a beer that prides itself on being “ultra” tame, this stuff is a stealthy ninja. It lulls you into thinking you're just hydrating with a side of hops, then BAM—you're arguing with your couch about who's the better Avenger. The 4.2% ABV is a lie, I tell you. A LIE. Or maybe I just have the tolerance of a teacup chihuahua.Would I recommend Michelob Ultra? Sure, if you want to feel like you're drinking a health shake while secretly getting floored. It's the beer equivalent of a wolf in sheep's clothing—just don't challenge it to a drinking game unless you're ready to lose spectacularly.½ (out of 5) – Half a star deducted because my dignity is still recovering.