(4 pack) Mainstays White Round Molded Wooden Toilet Seat

My last toilet seat was so irritating. We couldn't get along to save it's life. The daggum' thing kept coming loose. But the real problem was the noise, or should I say code? It made the faintest clicking sound. 3:07 AM. Exactly 3:07 Am Every morning. Without fail. There it'd be. Click... click... After weeks of investigating, desperately searching for the source of the clicking, I found it. I figured out the clicks were coming from my scheming old toilet seat. It was using the clicks to send morse code to Big-Plumbs other wet-work devices in the vicinity. Most folks never realize Big Plumb synchronizes their toilets, showers, and sinks to leak in specific patterns so they can rake in huge profits. Once you see it, it becomes so obvious. It's Big Plumb. It has always been Big Plumb. This new wooden seat is sturdier and a lot calmer. That might be because I held its eyes open while I fed the old one to the wood chipper. Since then it has been very supportive. Almost too supportive. The first time I sat down, I could have sworn it whispered, “happy to have you back, traveler.” Though, I'm sure it didn't. After all, I'm not crazy or anything… Haha… hah… ha. Either way, it hasn't opened a portal under me or tried to fling me into another dimension yet, so this baby gets five stars. Great product. Probably sentient, but friendly enough. To stay on the safe side, I would let it watch the old one get eaten by the wood chipper, but that's just me. I've been told I might be a little off. Lol. Mr. Mickey B. Anyway, that's my report from the porcelain front lines. Five stars for the seat. Zero stars for Big Plumb. If you want more hard hitting investigations into the things nobody else is brave enough to write about, I'm over on Substack at @exploringshadows. I'm not fully insane. I'm just committed.