Actually ok. Buy a bag once every ten years.
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what these would taste like.
To my surprise, they tasted *exactly* like what I imagined.
This is especially surprising in that I don't think I've ever eaten one before, except for those dry punishment cake things I was force-fed as a child, Fig Newtons. I sometimes want to eat a Fig Newton, because, like in the cycle of violence, I had some deep inner desire to repeat the experience I endured while as a child.
Which is worse, Fig Newtons or liquorish? I think we should make violent prisoners eat both once a month, except there are laws preventing us from doing that.
I guess Fig Newtons weren't that bad. I wasn't really forced to eat them. I could have just gone hungry or had some mayonnaise.
The truth is, the ol' Fig Newtons weren't that bad. I'm just complaining. Kind of like the monkey who enjoys eating the cucumber until he sees the other monkey eating grapes, then the cucumber monkey throws the cucumber back that the trainer due to it being unfair. As an adult, I think about how chocolate would have cost just about the same, but instead I was provided with Fig Newtons and, what were those things, some other "candy" that wasn't trying very hard. I think my Dad was just toying with me to see how I would react, like eating hot dogs in front of a dog but just giving the dog dry dog food. Not that he ever did that, but, rather, that's the best example I can think of.
So, now that I'm 61, and my father has left this world going on two or three years, I thought I would confront my past and buy this bag of moist, and I do mean moist, figs.
I was expecting something to take the place of the dry wheat that surrounded the figs on Fig Newtons. I didn't see any dry wheat on the picture, so I figured it must have thatched twigs or pomegranate style seeds that would make impractical any attempt to enjoy them.
To my surprise, these were easy to eat. And I actually enjoyed them.
Ok, they weren't "enjoyable" in that I wanted another bag, rather, they were "enjoyable" like the old man on the bus who actually had something mildly interesting to say and didn't actually ask for any money or say he was a veteran with wounds nor use any profanity.
I mean, if I was on a long walk and there was no food around, I would consider buying these again if there was nothing else.
Certainly better than a spoon of mayonnaise.
