You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up - eBook

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<p>In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir.</p> <p>After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state).</p> <p>Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, <em>You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up</em> is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being “in love” can only get you so far.</p> <p><strong>On Cohabitation</strong><br /><strong>He says:</strong> “Within days of Annabelle’s arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal.”</p> <p><strong>She says:</strong> “The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he’d scored box seats at Fenway Park.”</p> <p><strong>On Sex</strong><br /><strong>He says:</strong> “I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week.”</p> <p><strong>She says:</strong> “Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it’s only a <em>turnoff</em> if you’re talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a <em>turn-on</em>.”</p> <p><strong>On Pregnancy</strong><br /><strong>He says:</strong> “For God’s sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!”</p> <p><strong>She says:</strong> “My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up.”</p>

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In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir.

After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state).

Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being “in love” can only get you so far.

On Cohabitation
He says: “Within days of Annabelle’s arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal.”

She says: “The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he’d scored box seats at Fenway Park.”

On Sex
He says: “I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week.”

She says: “Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it’s only a turnoff if you’re talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a turn-on.”

On Pregnancy
He says: “For God’s sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!”

She says: “My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up.”

You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up - eBook

Specifications

Read This On
Android,Ereader,Desktop,IOS,Windows
Is Downloadable Content Available
Y
Digital Reader Format
Epub (Yes)
Language
en
Publisher
Crown
Author
Annabelle Gurwitch, Jeff Kahn
ISBN-13
9780307463791
ISBN-10
0307463796

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Is your marriage perfe...

Is your marriage perfect? No? Well, neither is theirs. He is a total romantic, she can't remember an anniversary to save her life. She is neurotic and messy and has "outrageous" demands on her family (like limiting tv time). He is more laid back, but a little bit of a neatnik. Written from husband and wife perspective. This book gives me hope that even though prince charming isn't out there, you can make love work with a couple of imperfect people. A good read.

Riotous R and X rated ...

Riotous R and X rated fun. Unlike any marriage manual or marital aid I've ever encountered. A male comedian goes to a party and sees another comedian, female, frying latkes (potato pancakes) on the stove and falls in love. She's married. He pursues her for years. She divorces and becomes his next door neighbor. Still nothing happens. The years pass and she finally is ready to fall in love back. They marry and they are completely different, totally incompatible, and arguing fiercely. They have a child, a son born with multiple handicaps. They find a surgeon who is able to give their son a normal life. They STILL argue. They stay together, at least for for the time being. They tell their story as a "he said, she said". He's the romantic. She'd make anyone insane. It works. They advise you. You ignore their advice and focus on the comedy. You laugh through the entire book and keep your spouse awake long into the night, sharing tidbits. I heard there's a staged play of the book. I'm on Google looking for tickets. They are Jeff Kahn and Annabelle Gurwitch. You don't want to miss a page.

Quirky. Funny....

Quirky. Funny.

The State of the Unio...

"The State of the Union is, of course, the progress report delivered by our presidents annually to the joint houses of Congress. It's also a 1948 Frank Capra movie about politics in which Katharine Hepburn poses and Spencer Tracy's wife in order to help him get into elected office. In real life, Hepburn and Tracy were romanticaly involved for twenty-seven years, a pairing that many people regard as one of the great romances of contemporary times, even though he was married to someone else, drunk for much of that time, and never acknowledged their love affair puicly. If they were alive today, their Facebook status would be "It's complicated."It's funny parts like the above that make the book worthwhile.

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