Chapman, Gary

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

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Highlights

AuthorChapman, Gary
Publication DateJanuary, 2015
ISBN-139780802412706
<p>Discover the rules of connection with The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. This paperback book provides ideal reading for when you travel. The Gary Chapman book has 203 pages of advice outlining five ways to express and experience love in terms of language such as receiving gifts, quality time and more. It is a wonderful resource for anyone who wishes to begin or build his or her relationships. Learn to enjoy being with the one you care about. Live a fulfilling life as a couple and create a love that will last. A number one New York Times bestseller, this book is a convenient and educational way to pass your time. </p> <strong>The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts:</strong>

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Discover the rules of connection with The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. This paperback book provides ideal reading for when you travel. The Gary Chapman book has 203 pages of advice outlining five ways to express and experience love in terms of language such as receiving gifts, quality time and more. It is a wonderful resource for anyone who wishes to begin or build his or her relationships. Learn to enjoy being with the one you care about. Live a fulfilling life as a couple and create a love that will last. A number one New York Times bestseller, this book is a convenient and educational way to pass your time.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts:
  • Paperback
  • Moody Pub, 2015
  • ISBN13 9780802412706,
  • ISBN10 080241270X
  • 5 Love Languages book is ideal light reading for travel

Specifications

Series Title
The 5 Love Languages
Publisher
Moody Pub
Original Languages
ENG
Number of Pages
203
Author
Chapman, Gary
Title
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
ISBN-13
9780802412706
Publication Date
January, 2015
ISBN-10
080241270X

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Most helpful positive review
Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars
change your relationships!
This book has helped us to understand each other better.
Most helpful negative review
1 customers found this helpful
Average Rating:(1.0)out of 5 stars
In this post, I would ...
In this post, I would like to provide a general review of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. As a Christian and pastor, I have some concerns about The Five Love Languages(FLL) with respect to its central message and practical outworking in the lives of Christians. To simplify this post, why don't I lay out some positives and negatives? Positives: 1. FLL is correct in revealing that love is expressed in many different ways. I think that the term "languages" is a good metaphor. 2. It is true that people experience love in different ways. I think understanding this can be helpful to a mate desiring to love his/her spouse effectively. "We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love" (Chapman 15). 3. FLL does well to reveal that people do tend to express love according to the way they wish to receive it. I fear this is clearly an aspect of one's fallen nature, but nevertheless true. 4. FLL is correct to reveal that when people do not get what they want, unpleasant emotions, actions, and behaviors are often the response. 5. Chapman does well to encourage readers to consider the preferences and interests of their spouses. 6. Chapman rightly explains that love is a primary aspect of Christianity. Negatives: 1. FLL is low on Scripture and high on man-made wisdom. Across 175 pages, Scripture is referenced 10 times, most of which are afterthoughts. 9 of the 14 chapters have no Scriptural backing. 2. FLL majors on psychology, not theology - often without considering Scriptural insight. When Scripture is quoted, it is employed as a proof-text for the premise proposed by worldly wisdom. (Ex: 1 Cor 13:13; Chapman 20) 3. FLL states that the greatest need/purpose of mankind is to feel loved. Scripture teaches that mankind's greatest need/purpose is to love God, repent of sin, and know Christ. 4. FLL does not explain, involve, or mention the gospel in its treatment of human affairs. Instead, it is suggested that the central problem in life and relationships is a lack of love. Likewise, FLL proposes that the issues surrounding love are the cause and solution to Man's problems. "Meeting my wife's need for love is a choice I make each day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love" (Chapman 132) [emphasis mine]. 5. FLL does not address or mention sin and suggests that all human suffering, ill tempers, depression, interpersonal problems, broken marriages, misbehavior/delinquency of children, etc...are caused by an "empty emotional love tank." This line of reasoning encourages readers to aspire toward receiving love and self-love in order to solve the problems of life and distracts attention away from the true and biblical source of evil in the world. Chapman writes, "With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work" (Chapman 23). "Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs" (Chapman 121). "When the [emotional] tank is low...we have no love feelings toward our spouse but simply experience emptiness and pain" (Chapman 150). The Bible proclaims that the key to all relationships is self-denial and prioritizing God's pleasure and approval over all other priorities (James 4). 6. With respect to marriage, FLL suggests that "the need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires" (Chapman 22). In so doing, Chapman sets up a self-centered view of marriage in which the reader's primary goal should be to feel love. Scripture reveals that man's problems are caused on many levels by a desire to be loved or love self, which is sin (2 Timothy 3:2-5). 7. FLL encourages a self-centered mentality, rather than a Christ-centered orientation of thought, motive, and deed (Chapman 68, 75, 98). Granted, aspirations to receive love are not blatantly proposed. Instead, by premise, Chapman's model is based upon a give-to-get approach. The reader is encouraged to embrace the thought that if he/she scratches the spouses back, it is likely that the spouse will scratch his/hers which is a veiled form of self-interest - For instance, 'I'll scratch your back, knowing that you will probably scratch mine in return.' "I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires" (Chapman 42). 8. FLL exalts worldly self-esteem over biblical self-denial. 9. FLL presents an unbiblical view and practice of assessing self-worth. Readers are encouraged to find their significance in their spouse, not in Christ and in light of the gospel. "My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. After all, if he/she loves me, I must be worth loving. My parents may have given me negative or mixed messages about my worth, but my spouse knows me as an adult and loves me. Her love builds my self-esteem" (Chapman 139). 10. With respect to parenting, FLL encourages parents to prescribe love rather than repentance to misbehaving children. "If the emotional need is not met, they may violate acceptable standards, expressing anger toward parents who did not meet their needs, and seeking love in inappropriate places...Most misbehavior in children and teenagers can be traced to empty love tanks...The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicate that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express their love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language" (Chapman 163-175). This view walks hand in hand with post-modern thought, transferring responsibility for sin to those who have wronged the sinner. 11. With respect to marriage, FLL discounts the powerful working of God in marriage and leaves all results in the hands of fallen men and women. In addition, the model set forth by Chapman rests on a purely horizontal level, disregarding the vertical (mankind/God) aspect of biblical marriage. There is no real place for the pleasure of the Triune God as the object of love and the goal of marriage. 12. FLL suggests that divorce, an increasing problem for Christians today, is caused by an empty emotional love tank (174-175). This teaching contradicts Jesus' view/teaching in which He stated that divorce is the result of hard-heartedness (Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:5). As Christians strive for ministry that is increasingly "theology-driven," I am reminded of Paul's words which say, "In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following" (1 Timothy 4:6). As you know, teachers and pastors will be held to a stricter judgment than those they shepherd (James 3:1). Therefore, the Scriptures demand that they be critically-minded and protective of what is placed before people. For the above reasons, I do not think this is a suitable resource.
Most helpful positive review
Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars
change your relationships!
This book has helped us to understand each other better.
Most helpful negative review
1 customers found this helpful
Average Rating:(1.0)out of 5 stars
In this post, I would ...
In this post, I would like to provide a general review of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. As a Christian and pastor, I have some concerns about The Five Love Languages(FLL) with respect to its central message and practical outworking in the lives of Christians. To simplify this post, why don't I lay out some positives and negatives? Positives: 1. FLL is correct in revealing that love is expressed in many different ways. I think that the term "languages" is a good metaphor. 2. It is true that people experience love in different ways. I think understanding this can be helpful to a mate desiring to love his/her spouse effectively. "We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love" (Chapman 15). 3. FLL does well to reveal that people do tend to express love according to the way they wish to receive it. I fear this is clearly an aspect of one's fallen nature, but nevertheless true. 4. FLL is correct to reveal that when people do not get what they want, unpleasant emotions, actions, and behaviors are often the response. 5. Chapman does well to encourage readers to consider the preferences and interests of their spouses. 6. Chapman rightly explains that love is a primary aspect of Christianity. Negatives: 1. FLL is low on Scripture and high on man-made wisdom. Across 175 pages, Scripture is referenced 10 times, most of which are afterthoughts. 9 of the 14 chapters have no Scriptural backing. 2. FLL majors on psychology, not theology - often without considering Scriptural insight. When Scripture is quoted, it is employed as a proof-text for the premise proposed by worldly wisdom. (Ex: 1 Cor 13:13; Chapman 20) 3. FLL states that the greatest need/purpose of mankind is to feel loved. Scripture teaches that mankind's greatest need/purpose is to love God, repent of sin, and know Christ. 4. FLL does not explain, involve, or mention the gospel in its treatment of human affairs. Instead, it is suggested that the central problem in life and relationships is a lack of love. Likewise, FLL proposes that the issues surrounding love are the cause and solution to Man's problems. "Meeting my wife's need for love is a choice I make each day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love" (Chapman 132) [emphasis mine]. 5. FLL does not address or mention sin and suggests that all human suffering, ill tempers, depression, interpersonal problems, broken marriages, misbehavior/delinquency of children, etc...are caused by an "empty emotional love tank." This line of reasoning encourages readers to aspire toward receiving love and self-love in order to solve the problems of life and distracts attention away from the true and biblical source of evil in the world. Chapman writes, "With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work" (Chapman 23). "Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs" (Chapman 121). "When the [emotional] tank is low...we have no love feelings toward our spouse but simply experience emptiness and pain" (Chapman 150). The Bible proclaims that the key to all relationships is self-denial and prioritizing God's pleasure and approval over all other priorities (James 4). 6. With respect to marriage, FLL suggests that "the need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires" (Chapman 22). In so doing, Chapman sets up a self-centered view of marriage in which the reader's primary goal should be to feel love. Scripture reveals that man's problems are caused on many levels by a desire to be loved or love self, which is sin (2 Timothy 3:2-5). 7. FLL encourages a self-centered mentality, rather than a Christ-centered orientation of thought, motive, and deed (Chapman 68, 75, 98). Granted, aspirations to receive love are not blatantly proposed. Instead, by premise, Chapman's model is based upon a give-to-get approach. The reader is encouraged to embrace the thought that if he/she scratches the spouses back, it is likely that the spouse will scratch his/hers which is a veiled form of self-interest - For instance, 'I'll scratch your back, knowing that you will probably scratch mine in return.' "I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires" (Chapman 42). 8. FLL exalts worldly self-esteem over biblical self-denial. 9. FLL presents an unbiblical view and practice of assessing self-worth. Readers are encouraged to find their significance in their spouse, not in Christ and in light of the gospel. "My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. After all, if he/she loves me, I must be worth loving. My parents may have given me negative or mixed messages about my worth, but my spouse knows me as an adult and loves me. Her love builds my self-esteem" (Chapman 139). 10. With respect to parenting, FLL encourages parents to prescribe love rather than repentance to misbehaving children. "If the emotional need is not met, they may violate acceptable standards, expressing anger toward parents who did not meet their needs, and seeking love in inappropriate places...Most misbehavior in children and teenagers can be traced to empty love tanks...The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicate that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express their love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language" (Chapman 163-175). This view walks hand in hand with post-modern thought, transferring responsibility for sin to those who have wronged the sinner. 11. With respect to marriage, FLL discounts the powerful working of God in marriage and leaves all results in the hands of fallen men and women. In addition, the model set forth by Chapman rests on a purely horizontal level, disregarding the vertical (mankind/God) aspect of biblical marriage. There is no real place for the pleasure of the Triune God as the object of love and the goal of marriage. 12. FLL suggests that divorce, an increasing problem for Christians today, is caused by an empty emotional love tank (174-175). This teaching contradicts Jesus' view/teaching in which He stated that divorce is the result of hard-heartedness (Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:5). As Christians strive for ministry that is increasingly "theology-driven," I am reminded of Paul's words which say, "In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following" (1 Timothy 4:6). As you know, teachers and pastors will be held to a stricter judgment than those they shepherd (James 3:1). Therefore, the Scriptures demand that they be critically-minded and protective of what is placed before people. For the above reasons, I do not think this is a suitable resource.
This book has helped us to understand each other better.
In this post, I would like to provide a general review of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. As a Christian and pastor, I have some concerns about The Five Love Languages(FLL) with respect to its central message and practical outworking in the lives of Christians. To simplify this post, why don't I lay out some positives and negatives? Positives: 1. FLL is correct in revealing that love is expressed in many different ways. I think that the term "languages" is a good metaphor. 2. It is true that people experience love in different ways. I think understanding this can be helpful to a mate desiring to love his/her spouse effectively. "We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love" (Chapman 15). 3. FLL does well to reveal that people do tend to express love according to the way they wish to receive it. I fear this is clearly an aspect of one's fallen nature, but nevertheless true. 4. FLL is correct to reveal that when people do not get what they want, unpleasant emotions, actions, and behaviors are often the response. 5. Chapman does well to encourage readers to consider the preferences and interests of their spouses. 6. Chapman rightly explains that love is a primary aspect of Christianity. Negatives: 1. FLL is low on Scripture and high on man-made wisdom. Across 175 pages, Scripture is referenced 10 times, most of which are afterthoughts. 9 of the 14 chapters have no Scriptural backing. 2. FLL majors on psychology, not theology - often without considering Scriptural insight. When Scripture is quoted, it is employed as a proof-text for the premise proposed by worldly wisdom. (Ex: 1 Cor 13:13; Chapman 20) 3. FLL states that the greatest need/purpose of mankind is to feel loved. Scripture teaches that mankind's greatest need/purpose is to love God, repent of sin, and know Christ. 4. FLL does not explain, involve, or mention the gospel in its treatment of human affairs. Instead, it is suggested that the central problem in life and relationships is a lack of love. Likewise, FLL proposes that the issues surrounding love are the cause and solution to Man's problems. "Meeting my wife's need for love is a choice I make each day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love" (Chapman 132) [emphasis mine]. 5. FLL does not address or mention sin and suggests that all human suffering, ill tempers, depression, interpersonal problems, broken marriages, misbehavior/delinquency of children, etc...are caused by an "empty emotional love tank." This line of reasoning encourages readers to aspire toward receiving love and self-love in order to solve the problems of life and distracts attention away from the true and biblical source of evil in the world. Chapman writes, "With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work" (Chapman 23). "Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs" (Chapman 121). "When the [emotional] tank is low...we have no love feelings toward our spouse but simply experience emptiness and pain" (Chapman 150). The Bible proclaims that the key to all relationships is self-denial and prioritizing God's pleasure and approval over all other priorities (James 4). 6. With respect to marriage, FLL suggests that "the need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires" (Chapman 22). In so doing, Chapman sets up a self-centered view of marriage in which the reader's primary goal should be to feel love. Scripture reveals that man's problems are caused on many levels by a desire to be loved or love self, which is sin (2 Timothy 3:2-5). 7. FLL encourages a self-centered mentality, rather than a Christ-centered orientation of thought, motive, and deed (Chapman 68, 75, 98). Granted, aspirations to receive love are not blatantly proposed. Instead, by premise, Chapman's model is based upon a give-to-get approach. The reader is encouraged to embrace the thought that if he/she scratches the spouses back, it is likely that the spouse will scratch his/hers which is a veiled form of self-interest - For instance, 'I'll scratch your back, knowing that you will probably scratch mine in return.' "I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires" (Chapman 42). 8. FLL exalts worldly self-esteem over biblical self-denial. 9. FLL presents an unbiblical view and practice of assessing self-worth. Readers are encouraged to find their significance in their spouse, not in Christ and in light of the gospel. "My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. After all, if he/she loves me, I must be worth loving. My parents may have given me negative or mixed messages about my worth, but my spouse knows me as an adult and loves me. Her love builds my self-esteem" (Chapman 139). 10. With respect to parenting, FLL encourages parents to prescribe love rather than repentance to misbehaving children. "If the emotional need is not met, they may violate acceptable standards, expressing anger toward parents who did not meet their needs, and seeking love in inappropriate places...Most misbehavior in children and teenagers can be traced to empty love tanks...The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicate that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express their love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language" (Chapman 163-175). This view walks hand in hand with post-modern thought, transferring responsibility for sin to those who have wronged the sinner. 11. With respect to marriage, FLL discounts the powerful working of God in marriage and leaves all results in the hands of fallen men and women. In addition, the model set forth by Chapman rests on a purely horizontal level, disregarding the vertical (mankind/God) aspect of biblical marriage. There is no real place for the pleasure of the Triune God as the object of love and the goal of marriage. 12. FLL suggests that divorce, an increasing problem for Christians today, is caused by an empty emotional love tank (174-175). This teaching contradicts Jesus' view/teaching in which He stated that divorce is the result of hard-heartedness (Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:5). As Christians strive for ministry that is increasingly "theology-driven," I am reminded of Paul's words which say, "In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following" (1 Timothy 4:6). As you know, teachers and pastors will be held to a stricter judgment than those they shepherd (James 3:1). Therefore, the Scriptures demand that they be critically-minded and protective of what is placed before people. For the above reasons, I do not think this is a suitable resource.
Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars

change your relationships!

This book has helped us to understand each other better.

Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars

Gift

I love this author, I bought this as a gift, I think it's great for young married couples

Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars

Good Information

Have enjoyed it very much. Now to just put the lessons learned to use. That's the hard part

Average Rating:(5.0)out of 5 stars

This was another book ...

This was another book given to me on my wedding day. By my pastor friend who did our wedding. My wife has read it as a single woman and told me about it. I guess it was meant to be that it was given to me on a very special day. Men - it will save you a lot of headaches by just reading this book and knowing your partner's love language. Women - it will save you tears if you just knew what your man's love language is. Must read!

Average Rating:(4.0)out of 5 stars

I recently reread it b...

I recently reread it because it was the only reading material in my car when it was getting serviced. How do you express love? This is the question Gary asks but also answers in helping us understand that everybody expresses love in some form or another. I read this years ago and before reading it avoided it because it just sounded so corny. Please don't let the title fool you. This is a great starter read in recognizing how we express love differently and also how we can best help our partners appreciate the love we have for them. Gary breaks down the love we express into 4 outcomes: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts, and Affirmation. He them breaks them down to help us understand how we express love. Gary says to help others understand that we need to communicate to them in their love language. Yes, it is simplistic and a little corny, but it is excellent starting material for married couples!


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