Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

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Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

Format:  Paperback,

357 pages

Publisher: Harpercollins

Publish Date: Jan 2001

ISBN-13: 9780060930998

ISBN-10: 0060930993

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Book Information

The following content was provided by the publisher.

This brilliantly original and practical system for parenting children is the brainchild of John Gray, whose Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books and seminars have helped millions of adults communicate more effectively and lovingly with each other. Based on this idea that children respond better to positive rather than negative reinforcement, the Children Are from Heaven program concentrates on rewarding, not punishing, children and fostering their innate desire to please their parents.

Central to this approach are the five positive messages your children need to learn again and again:

It's okay to be different.It's okay to make mistakes.It's okay to express negative emotions.It's okay to want more.It's okay to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses.

Specifications

Publisher: Harpercollins
Publish Date: Jan 2001
ISBN-13: 9780060930998
ISBN-10: 0060930993
Format: Paperback
Number of Pages: 357
Shipping Weight (in pounds): 0.65
Product in Inches (L x W x H): 5.25 x 8.0 x 1.0

About the author

Biography of Gray, John

Author of the best selling Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (1992) and its sequels, John Gray is a frequent guest on popular talk and news programs on both radio and television and teaches seminars on relationships and communication. He has written over fifteen books including Why Mars and Venus Collide. His books have been translated into 45 languages. He lived as a monk for nine years, receiving his bachelors and masters degrees in Creative Intelligence from Maharishi European Research University. He received his Ph.D. in psychology from Columbia Pacific University and is a Certified Family Therapist. He is also a consulting editor of The Family Journal. In 2001, he received the Smart Marriages Impact Award.

Chapter outline

Acknowledgmentsp. XV
Introductionp. xvii
Children Are from Heavenp. 1
Every Child Has His or Her Own Unique Problemsp. 2
The Five Messages of Positive Parentingp. 6
A Vision of Possibilitiesp. 18
What Makes the Five Messages Workp. 21
The Pressure of Parentingp. 22
Reinventing Parentingp. 23
A Short History of Parentingp. 25
Violence in, Violence outp. 27
Why Children Become Unruly and Disruptivep. 31
A Global Shift in Consciousnessp. 34
New Skills to Create Cooperationp. 38
Ask, but Don't Order or Demandp. 38
Use "Would You" And Not "Could Youp. 39
Give up Rhetorical Questionsp. 43
Be Directp. 45
Give up Explanationsp. 46
Give up Giving Lecturesp. 48
Don't Use Feelings to Manipulatep. 49
The Magic Word to Create Cooperationp. 51
A Short Review and Practicep. 52
What to Do When Children Resistp. 54
New Skills to Minimize Resistancep. 55
Four Skills to Minimize Resistancep. 56
The Four Temperamentsp. 57
Sensitive Children Need Listening and Understandingp. 58
Active Children Need Preparation and Structurep. 61
Responsive Children Need Distraction and Directionp. 66
The Gift of Singingp. 68
Making Chores Funp. 69
The Gift of Readingp. 71
Using Distraction to Redirectp. 72
Receptive Children Need Ritual and Rhythmp. 75
Loving Ritualsp. 78
Practical Ritualsp. 81
Giving Our Children What They Needp. 82
New Skills for Improving Communicationp. 83
Why Children Resistp. 84
Taking Time to Listenp. 86
The Two Conditionsp. 88
Hard-Love Parentingp. 90
Soft-Love Parentingp. 94
Learning to Delay Gratificationp. 98
Meeting Your Children's Needsp. 100
New Skills for Increasing Motivationp. 102
A Short Update on Punishmentp. 103
Why and When Punishment Workedp. 104
The Positive Side of Punishmentp. 106
The Simple Proofp. 108
The Alternative to Punishment Is Rewardp. 110
The Two Reasons a Child Misbehavesp. 112
Why Giving Rewards Worksp. 112
Negative Acknowledgmentsp. 114
Catching Your Child Being Good or Doing the Right Thingp. 117
The Magic of Rewardsp. 119
Why Children Resist Our Directionp. 120
Understanding Rewardsp. 122
Rewards According to Temperamentsp. 125
Sample Rewardsp. 126
Always Have Something up Your Sleevep. 127
AList of Rewardsp. 129
Recurring Patternsp. 131
Rewarding Teenagersp. 132
Dealing with a Demanding Child in Publicp. 133
Rewards Are Like Dessertp. 134
Learning from Natural Consequencesp. 135
The Fear of Rewardsp. 138
New Skills for Asserting Leadershipp. 140
Learning How to Commandp. 141
Don't Use Emotions to Commandp. 142
It's Okay to Make Mistakesp. 143
When Emotions Are not Helpfulp. 144
Yelling Doesn't Workp. 145
Make Your Commands Positivep. 146
Command but Don't Explainp. 149
Commanding Teenagersp. 151
Reasons and Resistancep. 153
ABetter Way of Commandingp. 155
Increasing Cooperationp. 156
Choosing Your Battlesp. 157
New Skills for Maintaining Controlp. 159
The Need for Time Outp. 160
How Negative Feelings Get Releasedp. 163
The Ideal Time Outp. 164
Explaining Time Outsp. 165
Four Common Mistakesp. 167
Too Much Time Outp. 167
Not Enough Time Outp. 168
Expecting Your Child to Sit Quietlyp. 170
Using Time Out as Punishmentp. 171
Hugging Dadp. 172
Adjusting Your Will Versus Caving Inp. 173
When to Give Time Outp. 174
Three Strikes and You Are Outp. 175
When Time Out Doesn't Workp. 176
What Makes the Five Skills Workp. 177
It's Okay to Be Differentp. 180
Gender Differencesp. 182
Different Needs for Trust and Caringp. 183
Continuing to Trust and Carep. 185
Boys Are from Mars, Girls Are from Venusp. 188
Mr. Fix-Itp. 190
Mrs. Home Improvementp. 192
When Advice Is Goodp. 194
Boys Forget and Girls Rememberp. 195
Different Generationsp. 197
The Culture of Violencep. 198
Different Temperamentsp. 200
How Temperaments Transformp. 201
Afternoon Activitiesp. 203
Different Body Typesp. 204
Different Intelligencep. 206
Academic Intelligencep. 207
Emotional Intelligencep. 207
Physical Intelligencep. 208
Creative Intelligencep. 208
Artistic Intelligencep. 209
Common Sense Intelligencep. 210
Intuitive Intelligencep. 210
Gifted Intelligencep. 211
Different Speeds of Learningp. 213
Good Here but Not Good Therep. 214
Comparing Childrenp. 215
It's Okay to Make Mistakesp. 217
From Innocence to Responsibilityp. 218
Whose Fault Is it Anyway?p. 223
Learning Responsibilityp. 224
Hardwired to Self-Correctp. 226
Your Child's Learning Curvep. 226
Understanding Repetitionp. 228
Learning from Mistakesp. 229
Learning to Make Amendsp. 231
Don't Punish, Make Adjustmentsp. 234
How to React When Children Make a Mistakep. 236
Doing Your Best Is Good Enoughp. 242
When it Is Not Okay to Make Mistakesp. 246
Hiding Mistakes and Not Telling the Truthp. 247
Children of Divorced Parentsp. 249
Not Setting High Standards or Taking Risksp. 250
Justifying Mistakes or Blaming Othersp. 252
Teens at Riskp. 254
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Punishmentp. 256
Making it Okay to Make Mistakesp. 259
It's Okay to Express Negative Emotionsp. 261
The Importance of Managing Feelingsp. 262
Learning to Manage Feelingsp. 264
Coping with Lossp. 266
Why Expressing Emotion Helpsp. 267
The Power of Empathyp. 269
The Five Second Pausep. 271
When Children Resist Empathyp. 274
When Parents Express Negative Emotionsp. 275
The Mistake of Sharing Feelingsp. 278
Asking Children How They Feelp. 280
What You Suppress, Your Children Will Expressp. 281
The Black Sheep of the Familyp. 284
Making Negative Emotions Okayp. 285
It's Okay to Want Morep. 286
The Fears About Desirep. 287
The Virtues of Gratitudep. 289
Permission to Negotiatep. 291
Learning to Say Nop. 292
Ten Ways to Say Nop. 294
Asking for Morep. 295
Modeling How to Askp. 296
The Power of Askingp. 297
Giving Too Muchp. 299
Children Will Always Want Morep. 300
Children of Divorced Parentsp. 301
The Longing of the Human Spiritp. 303
It's Okay to Say No, but Mom and Dad Are the Bossesp. 304
How Parents Affect Their Childrenp. 306
Coping with Negative Emotionsp. 307
The Development of Cognitive Abilitiesp. 309
Children's Need for Reassurancep. 310
Children Have a Different Memoryp. 312
Coping with Increased Willp. 312
Balancing Freedom and Controlp. 314
Two Problems of Losing Controlp. 316
The Nine-Year Stages of Maturityp. 317
The Development of Responsibilityp. 319
Understanding the Generation Linep. 320
Divorce and the Generation Linep. 323
Controlling Your Preteens and Teensp. 324
Using the Internet to Improve Communicationp. 326
Getting Support from Other Parentsp. 328
Putting the Five Messages into Practicep. 330
Mothers and Daughtersp. 331
Fathers and Daughtersp. 331
Mothers and Sonsp. 332
Fathers and Sonsp. 333
Teens Secretly Appreciate Limitsp. 334
What to Do When Your Child Takes Drugsp. 337
Dealing with Disrespectful Languagep. 338
Permission to Speak Freelyp. 340
Making Decisionsp. 342
The Cycles of Sevenp. 343
Why Teens Rebelp. 345
Improving Communication with Teensp. 346
Respect Your Teen's Opinionsp. 348
Sending Your Teen Awayp. 351
Instead of "Don't" Use "I Wantp. 352
Asking Your Children What They Thinkp. 353
The Challenge of Parentingp. 355
The Gifts of Greatnessp. 356

Book description

This brilliantly original and practical system for parenting children is the brainchild of John Gray, whose Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books and seminars have helped millions of adults communicate more effectively and lovingly with each other. Based on this idea that children respond better to positive rather than negative reinforcement, the Children Are from Heaven program concentrates on rewarding, not punishing, children and fostering their innate desire to please their parents.

Central to this approach are the five positive messages your children need to learn again and again:

It's okay to be different.

It's okay to make mistakes.

It's okay to express negative emotions.

It's okay to want more.

It's okay to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses.

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